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Daisy will turn 40 in eleven months and has never married. Her family figures Daisy is a loser because she is still in college trying to avoid paying off her student loans which have amassed over 22 years of a miseducation. And all Daisy has is a cat to keep her company. To make the crises worse, her cat begins talking to Daisy, when she is sober! The mess of Daisy's life is even kookier because the cat is cursing and smoking now and drinking more alcoholic beverages. Mm, there must be a connection to all this flowing alcohol, which may explain the bubbly in Daisy's brain. Her sisters and mother insist on setting Daisy up on six blind dates and all the men are named after liquor.
A heartwarming, LOL book that will make you smile.
Why would she listen to dating tips from a fixed kitty? In other words, Shakespeare was a virgin. The status of his privates was probably the reason the cat was an overweight, alcoholic, chain-smoker. “I don’t want to seem thirsty,” she said.
He raised a kitty eyebrow.
“In dating lingo thirsty means that I am desperate for a boyfriend or you know, thirsty for…”
“For a one-night lay.”
“Well that but more like for a meaningful relationship. And then there’s an online profile with a picture which needs to be posted on dating websites, and you know that I am not photogenic.”
“Your butt photographs very well,” the cat said. “Display that ass on the internet and your email account will explode with offers from all kinds of blokes.”
“Nor do I care to brag about myself,” she said.
“Well, if you don’t brag then who will?”
“Nor do I want to attract men who are only interested in one thing.”
“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” The cat plopped in front of the refrigerator, his big rump sticking up, blocking the door and waiting for lunch. He was stoned and drunk, having licked a bit of wine and sniffed catnip.
Daisy felt silly holding a newspaper over his head to smack the demon out of him. Shakespeare was sucking his paw, as usual when relaxing. He was the same old smelly cat, except for his mastering the English language and spouting forth lines from his namesake, William Shakespeare.
Belinda, also, writes Science Fiction and Fantasy under the name of B. Austin. She writes Historical Fiction under the name of Belinda Vasquez Garcia, along with Middle Grade Fiction.
She has occasionally dreamt or her cat, Shakespeare, talking to her in English. She once had a cat named Whiskey who used to sit like a human in a chair for half an hour or more with an empty beer can on his head, which proves that life often emulates fiction.
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ReplyDeleteI liked the excerpt.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rita. There are so many funny ones, it was hard to choose.
DeleteGreat post - thanks for sharing :)
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